Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
