You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
