how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
