apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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