Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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