I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
