someone threw a dead crab at me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
