Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
wow bdsm is so cute
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
