Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
