On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
