So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
