I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
