just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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