you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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