I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
