At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
