Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
