You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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