I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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