girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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