im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize