I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
