I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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