her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
