Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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