No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize