i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
