Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Mom said you looked used
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
