At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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