If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize