Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
