even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
