Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
