Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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