So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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