you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
