K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you would pick up someone in the library
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
