I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize