so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
