Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
