dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
