He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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