Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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