honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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