I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
