I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
