Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
