did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
