He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
