hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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