You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
