you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
