So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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