I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
