Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
