i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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