I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We named our party play list daddy issues
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
