I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize