Don't you send me to vm
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
