it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You can't just leave with hair like that
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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