Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
