my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
