apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Buhtt sex?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
