Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
