A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
