We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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